Mixed girl Monday | Identity struggles

hello hello all of you. Today’s post is going to be totally different than what I normally post. It’s something I’ve never really talked about or quite honestly even knew what was going on until I was an adult and living in a city surrounded by amazing cultures.

Disclaimer: this may be hard for some people to understand. Some of you may not agree or think it’s stupid but I’m saying how I feel on MY blog. So hi, let’s keep it positive.

Backtrack, I grew up in a tiny town with 0 culture. No shade (no pun intended) to the people that live there (a lot of them follow me) but it was so white and lacked culture and language and diversity. I mean literally 0 culture. I hated it. I felt so out of place every single day. Fast forward to 19 year old Keri. I’m living in Chicago, meeting so many kinds of people and learning about culture.

Now I’m adopted. So growing up we weren’t 100% sure what I am mixed with. Which wasn’t a big deal to me then but can be hard. Can you imagine not knowing what you are or what culture you can identify with? It’s hard. It’s a mind fuck and I was always caught feeling lost. Hello DNA testing. I got my results back and was shocked. Turns out I’m black, white and Latina. 48% European, 43% African and around 8% Latina. Weird, right? Because growing up surrounded by white people I always felt out of place. Turns out I’m mostly white. ooohhh the irony.

Now it’s interesting isn’t it? Because I’m too dark to be considered white and I’m not “black enough” or I’m the “light skinned girl”. Which is fine over time but it leaves me feeling so incredibly lost in my own skin. I feel like I’m not accepted into either race and it’s this balancing act of stereotypes. I talk like I’m “white”, my hair is black but my green eyes make me look white. But wait, in the summer I’m black again. It’s wild. And can feel really lonely and can leave me feeling like I don’t know who I am.

I listened to an interview with Hannah Bronfman and was so so inspired. She talks about how she’s always defensive. People are saying she turns on “being black” and that she can’t control that and that it was hard for her to grow up with her two different cultures. Which I love that an influencer that big is talking about it and feels the same I do.

I hope this gives some insight to those that can’t relate and also any other biracial girls and boys that may have felt like this. Because it’s okay. It’s normal and it’s something, at 23 years old, that I’m still processing and trying to figure out. Send me a DM, comment or email me. I’d love to see what people have to say about this.

xx

kh.